Ano nga ba ang pagmamahal?

Ano nga ba ang pagmamahal?

I’ll tour you in the past five days of tart and I’s life.

Last Saturday, tart just came from work at 8am. Having no sleep, we went out for a movie, tart held my hand. He drove for me. Before we entered the movie house, he asked me if i’m okay, I’m wearing shorts kasi, I might get cold daw. He let me finish the popcorn kahit gusto pa nya. Then we went to Starbucks for a coffee, he was sleepy na but he let me finish all of my kwentos just to make me feel that someone listens.

Last Sunday, he went to our house. I was with my cousins, having a mini celebration at home. He waited for me. He did my brother’s homework. I was lying on his thighs while he was seated, playing mobile games. It felt so comfortable. We were doing nothing, but it felt so calming and warm just knowing that he’s there, his presence is enough for me.

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, we fought. Naisip ko baka di na niya ako mahal. Maybe he’s changed his mind. But he said he’s sorry. He said he loves me.

The past five days have been our routine for the past 10 years. We go on a date, the world is perfect. We spent almost every day just at home, doing nothing, but it’s calming. Then we go on a fight. Then it’s okay again.

Yun na ba yung pagmamahal?

Then isip ako ng isip, parang ang bigat sa heart. I was overthinking if tart has feelings for me pa ba, or does it become a routine nalang, or are we settling nalang ba into something that’s unsure.

Then I realized (or i’d like to think) it’s in the small things. I tried to remember all the good things that he did for me, intentional or not.

It’s the way he looks at me when everything’s perfect. That smirk and the twinkle in his eyes which make me feel that all is well, he loves me. It’s the way he looks at me after we fight, feeling sorry that it had to happen. He loves me when he drives for me even when he’s tired. I feel he loves me every time he asks “kumain ka na ba?” He loves me when he’s trying so hard to make tipid so we could have enough money for our future. He’s not perfect, but he tries to be the perfect one for me. He loves me when we’re holding hands while walking. He loves me when he takes a hundred photos of me, and he never complains. When he waits for me for hours, but he’s okay. He loves me when he massages my back. He loves me when he hugs me, and kisses me, and hugs me super tight. He loves me when he texts me goodnights, even if he is mad at me. He loves me when he buys me tuna pie on a random date. He loves me every time he keeps up with my crazy hormones and tantrums. He loves me when he tolerates my love for all things pink and princessy. I feel he loves me because up to now, he does not give up on us even when it feels like the only way is way out. What I’m saying is that tart loves me through all the simple things that he does. Minsan it’s really  hard to notice the love that he has for me when all I see is everything that goes wrong. But really, it’s in the simplest of things.

Ang pagmamahal ay nasa mga simpleng bagay na ginagawa ng isang tao. No need for grand gestures or material things. It’s up to you to see it and open your heart to feel it.

Just by writing this article and being reminded of all the simple things that tart does for me, I already feel tart’s love for me. There are times when he annoys me just by existing and there’s this feeling that lahat nalang ng bagay mali, but I know he still cares for me. There are days when there’s nothing new and exciting, but I enjoy the calmness, his presence is enough for me. Yes, tart loves me. Now I’m gonna go see him and tell him I love him too. 🙂