Today’s Pensieve

July 2, 2019

It’s been really a long time! But I feel bad and I just want to have some sort of a Dumbledore’s Pensieve (a magical instrument to filter, separate, and review thoughts/memories). I feel like I have too many thoughts crammed in my mind right now.

I’d like to think that I am a happy person. I go to sleep thinking of all the good things that could possibly happen to me in the morning. I even write happy thoughts so I could not forget. But there are moments when you encounter a certain person who, for some reason, sucks out the happiness in you. Like fine, you go to the office with all your hopes too high, and one word from that person, everything suddenly crumbles in an instant. Then you try so hard to be your positive self but every time you see that person, your knee shakes, your voice trembles, you can feel your eyes twitching, you feel like all that you do is disaster. It’s like a dementor is always near you, and you’re breathing the same air with her, and you lose your breath just thinking that you might be breathing in the wrong way and she might get mad for that, and you overthink, and you palpitate, and you want the earth to just swallow you. You’re basically a mess with her around.

I feel really really sad. When I was new in the office, I honestly and genuinely believed that she has a good heart. I even wanted to be her friend. I still believe the same way now, but she sucks the happiness out in me, and I don’t really know what to do. I’m not sure if I’m scared of her, or if I’m sad for her that all she does is to hate people, and I know it sucks to feel hate all over your body, every day of your life.

Sometimes, I force myself to be rational. I don’t really know what she’s going through, how her family treats her, how others treat her, or how she even feels about herself. I hate that she’s making feel sad all the time but I’m thinking that maybe she’s acting that way because she feels sadness in her heart and that’s her defense mechanism to show people how superior she is. Because personally, whenever I feel happy, no matter what comes my way, the happiness just overflows, like I feel sunshine and rainbows all over, I just forgive. And it feels really good! With her, I feel that there is some sort of sadness in her heart. I honestly want to hug her and tell her that it’s super okay to open her heart to people, instead of just hating everyone and blaming and finding faults in others. Instead of hating her, I feel really sad for her and I never want to be like her, no matter how successful she is.

What I’m saying is that when I become my own boss in the future with my own subordinates, I promise that I will really try my best to feel grateful than hate. I will fill the office with love and laughter than shout and blame. I will be happier if people will serve because they respect me, not just because they are scared of me. I will run an office of optimism. I will be a pursuer of dreams and advocate of happiness. Pinky.

Hay. Thank God, I feel better now.

Love,

Atty Princess. ♥

I dream of a happily ever after, too.

I came across this article which features a couple who celebrates 57 years of marriage with “Notebook”-themed photoshoot.

Let me quote from the article:

Clemma and Sterling Elmore have been together for 57-years and counting. To celebrate their endless love, the couple’s granddaughter, Amber, planned them a photoshoot inspired by one of Clemma’s favorite movies – “The Notebook”.

xxx

“When I met Sterling, he was like that and we knew we loved each other immediately,” Clemma told a local news station. “Sterling is the sweetest loving person I’ve ever met. We tell each other that we love each other at least 10 times a day and that is what I wanted. He said that when he saw me, he knew that I was the one.” Now this is what I call #RelationshipGoals.

It made me cryyyyyy. I want a love like that, too, fifty seven years from now. I want a love so pure that every night, I will look at him and say to my self, “I knew he was the one”. I want to wake up every day for fifty seven years, seeing my life next to me, and be grateful for his life. I want my Sterling, too.

I know I am very far from being a good girl. There are times I get really out of control. I get mad. I throw tantrums. I over react. I over think. I am completely unbelievable. I get PMS. I dominate. I want, I get. But somehow, I believe there is this guy who will tell me all these things are okay. That he accepts me and still wants to pursue me. That he still wants to love me and care for me and hold me. I know God has this man prepared for me, one who is imperfect but is perfect for me. I want a man who is armored with God’s love. A man who understands all my craziness in life. I know in my heart that at the right time, God will present this guy, whom I have already met, or will meet in the future. Of course that time will be magical! After that, everything will make sense. Fifty seven years after that right time, I will say, “I knew he was the one for me.”

And in our fifty seven years of celebrating love together, we will also show the world how happy and blessed we are of each other, through a photoshoot like this:

♥